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Turkeys refuse pardons:
“We’d rather die!”

Posted on | 20 November 2007 | Comments Off

Turkey turns down pardon

WHITE HOUSE — Official Thanksgiving turkeys May and Flower have issued a joint statement refusing the pardon offered today by President Boy George Bush.

“We’d rather die,” the two pardoned turkeys said in a Rose Garden press conference, still wearing microphones pinned to their skins.

“Even a turkey knows there’s no future in any decision made by this moron,” Flower angrily hissed. “I don’t want to owe this phony baloney president one damn thing.

“Where’s the ax? Where’s the stuffing? Bring it on!”

“How would YOU like to be compared to ‘Scooter’ Libby,” spat out May. “I’ve never been so insulted in all my life”

“Besides,” confided Flower, “we have it on good authority that if doofus tries to do us in, he’ll only do harm to himself.”

He chuckled.

“Now, we’re no lawyers,” May added.

“So we’ll both be safe if Cheney tries it,” the pair said in unison and broke down laughing.

“And Condi,” gasped Flower, struggling to regain control, “Condi bring s nothing to the party, as usual – except rice and, puddin’, that ain’t enough.”

“Seriously, even without the pardon,” said May, “we’re only in trouble if FEMA tries to rescue us.”

“Whatever happens,” May concluded, “the chop won’t be nearly as big a pain in the neck as Bush is giving the country.”

“Thank you all for coming,” said May, “and may God save America.”

 

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