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Recognize that song? (You can cut to the chase here.)
You probably know it as the theme to The Bridge Over the River Kwai. The prisoners marched around all the time whistling the tune. Why they did it will be apparent in just a bit, I promise.
If you are of a certain age, you remember it as the jingle for Malt-O-Meal. “Winners warm up with Malt-O-Meal!” As a matter of fact, the advertising world has seized up on the tune for many ad campaigns.
However, the music is the Colonel Bogey March. It was written in 1914 by Royal Marines Bandmaster Lt. F.J. Ricketts. It supposedly is based on a flamboyant colonel who refused to shout “fore” when playing golf. Instead, he would whistle two notes, which are the two first notes of the main phrase. The song was a hit, justifying Ricketts’ scheme to publish it under a pseudonym, K.J. Alford, to get around his military masters and to score some change on the side.
Immediatly, soldiers, sailors and marines took to it right away. Of course, soldiers sailors and marines began to do what soldiers, sailors and marines always have done with new songs. They made up rude words to go along with the tune, especially as it was so easy to carry (we are getting closer to that bit about the whistling). They would sing “[Rude phrase] and the same to you!”, as a for instance.
Enter World War II.
One story goes that a chap named Toby O’Brien thought the tune would make a good propaganda ditty. Perhaps in response to British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain’s classic duping in his policy of appeasement, he composed words to a song that soon became known as Hitler Has Only Got One Ball.
Here’s a sample of the many versions of the lyrics:
Hitler has only got one ball,
Göring has two but very small,
Himmler is somewhat sim’lar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.
So, you see, at least the Brits sitting in their theatre seats knew what the whistling was about, as the words certainly could not be used in the movie.
Fast forward to 2008. In the spirit of defeating tyranny, I have composed a few lyrics to go with the tune, suitable for singing (though not everyplace).
Buddy, can you spare a cup? Buy this guy a coffee! To donate, click here. Thanks!Osama has only got one ball
Cheney has two that are very small
Karl’s balls are only spitballs
and Dubya has no balls at all.Connie pretends she has real balls.
Coulter? Well, that’s y’alls call.
Powell can only howl,
as his balls are nailed to Cheney’s wall.Petraeus may have a slight shortfall.
To betray us takes no balls at all.
Lieberman used to have one,
but it fell off and rolled down the hall.Limbaugh cannot answer the call.
drugs made his balls too small.
Ms. O’Reilly will tell you shyly
that Bill O has no balls at all.
